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Looking At the Bigger Picture
By lindamuralidharan on 2011-06-16 23:49:23
I am involved with a group that is beginning to monitor our local courts to learn how domestic violence cases are generally
handled. Our community has a very, very high incidence of domestic violence, and we have been informed by some of the
victim advocates here that there is a pattern of judges treating the cases very lightly. This could mean the perpetrators are
given only a proverbial slap on the wrist or are released to harm the victim again when they could possibly be held in
custody longer or just a prevalent attitude by judges that these are very minor matters and the guy probably just had a bad
day. Yes, we know some cases involve female perpetrators. It is early in our study so I have no conclusions to report.
Meanwhile having domestic violence on my mind and reading the discussion of bullying on this site, it dawned on me that
domestic violence is, in fact, bullying. Then I wondered what the cause and effect relationship might be, if any. Of course,
we already know that children who observe violence in the home are prone to turn into violent adults. But what about this
particular form of violence? Here is a report from Chevon Kothari, Executive Director, Mountain Crisis Services, Mariposa,
Ca.: *** Bullying and domestic violence are cyclical — those children who witness domestic violence are at a much higher
risk of becoming both bullies and victims of bullying. Conversely, those children who bully or are victims of bullying
(without any resolution or intervention by adults in their lives) end up learning social norms in relationships that can look a
lot like domestic violence. In other words, if a bully learns that there are no consequences for his or her negative treatment
of other children, they learn that this behavior is OK in all of their relationships, including relationships with dating partners
or spouses later in life. Also, if a child always falls victim to bullying, with no outside help or intervention, this child may
grow to feel that this is the best they deserve to be treated in their relationships — hence making them more vulnerable to
domestic violence later in life. A recent study from researchers at the University of Washington (UW) and Indiana
University, found that children who were exposed to violence in the home engaged in higher levels of physical bullying than
children who were not witnesses to such behavior. The study is one of the first in the United States to specifically examine
the association between child exposure to domestic violence and involvement in bullying.*** I also learned that a study
among men in Boston determined that those who reported bullying other children when younger were 4 times more likely to
engage in domestic violence with adult partners than those who reported not having bullied other children. I like to think in
terms of prevention even more than in ways to protect kids and people who are currently being victimized (as important as
that is). It is very, very hard to reach the many child and adult victims in our society before they are demoralized or worse.
If we reduced the number of bullies we would be way ahead of the game. Old sayings ring true. "An Ounce of prevention is
worth a pound of Cure." It is critical that we intervene in families where children are at risk. We may be able to prosecute
and provide meaningful consequences for people who abuse family members, and, at the very least, expose children to
personal violence. We may be able to engage the perpetrators in treatment if the courts get their attention. There is
disagreement in the field about whether or not perpetrators of domestic violence will ever change. I belong to the group that
believes the right kind of treatment will work, and we are fortunate in my community to have a group of men dedicated to
calling attention to the horrors of domestic violence and getting other men into some kind of treatment. Where the adults
will not change their patterns, victims afraid to leave their batterers, batterers continuing their bullying, we can at least reach
kids and help them see that there are other ways, help them see they are not to blame, and even if they remain in the home
they may develop good coping skills and grow up to be the one in the family that breaks the chain. Who knows, if we
convince enough people that there are other ways to solve problems besides violence...maybe it will trickle up and nations
will learn similar lessons!
