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IMPACT
By lindamuralidharan on 2009-12-04 12:26:16
On November 11, 2009, I was deeply emotionally impacted by a program sponsored by Veterans for Peace at Proctors
Theater in Schenectady, N.Y. The program consisted of a film entitled " The Good Soldier" and a live follow up panel
consisting of four veterans. The movie showed clips of war scenes and the comments of veterans, one each from four
different American wars conducted within living memory. Each man told of different wars and different experiences in war
time. Some were on the front lines for years, some for a matter of months or weeks. Each told something of their original
willingness to go to war and of their complex reactions to what happened to them and how they chose to participate. One
made it very clear that he would fight in a future war if he could accept its premise and that he is adamantly opposed to our
war and occupation of Iraq, the place where he served while on active duty. These men were not unified in specific
interpretations of the United States military or how it conducts its war policies. All, however, lent their stories to the idea
that it is far preferable to seek peaceful solutions whenever and wherever it is possible to choose an alternative to war, and
one has a committed leadership role in the national arm of Veterans for Peace. It was really difficult to listen to and fully
comprehend the messages these men intended to send to the audience. I found the same to be true of the 4 men who spoke
on the panel after the movie. Part of my difficulty was in the painful memories of the Vietnam War and how we seem to be
repeating the mistakes of that war, the mistakes that were compounded year after year. It is the second film this year that
has brought tears to my eyes. In this case, they didn’t stop, either, after just a couple of minutes. A retired journalist friend
of mine attended the program also. She stated she does not believe this type of presentation will convert anybody from a
pro-war to an anti-war position. I could not actually disagree with her since I was myself puzzling out the nature and
effectiveness of the presentation. It took me until the next morning to figure out the other reason this was such a difficult
experience to absorb. Exactly what does he mean? What am I to make of that? Where is he going with that? What does
he want me to really understand about that? Over and over again, as I listened to different individuals, these were the
questions going through my mind. Finally, it dawned on me. Each man was engaged in a process of healing, in a process of
therapy. The method was story telling. Each man needed to tell his own story in his own way. The monologue, the
narrative, the meanderings about feelings and opinions were not meant to present a coherent point of view to the audience,
not meant to present a cogent argument in favor of a specific political position. Relatively little was said about specific US
policies or strategies or tactics although some of that crept into the narrative. Mainly the men wanted to tell how they felt,
thought, behaved at different points in their military careers and what impact it all had had on themselves. Even though the
stories themselves are for the men and their healing and not for any audience member per se , I learned much from the
experience. Anyone with an open mind and heart would. I would recommend seeing the movie if the opportunity presents
itself again. For one thing, I appreciate that so many actually feel the need to speak out, for whatever reason. I am glad to
learn that they do gain something by bringing their thoughts and feelings into the open without fear of judgment. Yes, they
will be judged by some. It is just that they are not afraid of that anymore. They are not afraid to be true to themselves. I
suspect that whatever wretched things they did during their military service to survive, now their survival depends on
speaking their own truths. I don’t mean to say that each of these people committed war crimes. Some would say their fault
(and their resulting suffering) was in simply cooperating with the war machine. I mean to say that their cumulative message
was that war damages people in many ways and is not worth it as an instrument of policy. Afterward one of the panelists
from Western New England spoke with a father and the son he brought to discourage from signing up for military service.
The panelist, Tyler Boudreau, told the young man that he cannot give him an answer about whether or not to sign up. He did
urge him to do as much research as possible about all aspects of joining the military at this time, from the promises recruiters
might make to his own personal career needs to where any particular administration might send him and why. In the end it
will have to be that teenager's own decision. Tyler said that, for him, he reached a point after over 10 years as a Marine and
one tour of duty in Iraq that he could no longer ask his men to risk their lives for somethng he himself no longer believed in.
He also said he had the option to leave the military at that point (and did) but he did not tell his men why he was leaving
because they were stuck. They could not leave without serious consequence. He is certainly ready to speak out about it
publicly now, and his book(which I bought that night) is a deeply disturbing tale of his journey through years of pride in
being a Marine and many efforts to be as good as he could be at what was expected of him as a Marine officer. He looks
back at the many choices he made and why he made them and how they led him to a place where his pride crashed head on
into his guilt at participating in a badly conceived and even more badly carried out war. He does not want you to flinch from
the acute and prolonged pain that has caused him. If you love books about the military, if you want to know more about
what is wrong with the war in Iraq, if you want to share in one very good writer’s journey of recovery from combat stress,
you may want to read his book. It is called "Packing Inferno". He also has a web site.
www.deeperthanwars.blogspot.com
